Celery and Pot
by IncinerationNation
Summary: Rated T due to mention of drugs? Don't read if wanting something serious! This is a random, wacky one-shot. Don't get your hopes up!


**Umm, well... don't read this if your looking for a serious story... because it isn't...**

**enjoy?**

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I strode down the hall, my mind reeling and shaking with anger and frustration. Only an hour ago, I had discovered who the bastard was that was stealing my business, some blonde guy selling pot in central London.  
Git.  
Now this guy was standing in the front of the penthouse waiting for the ultimate drug lord (i.e. me) to talk to him. I was a determined young man, only in my early 20s and already I was successful and rich, had several servants, guards and cars. Sure I got my money from selling pot and blackmailing people, but hey, money is money. I started off selling drugs in secondary school, they were only anti-depressants, but kids paid me their pocket money for them. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I reached the door, just beyond was my opponent. I took a deep breath and steeled myself, ready for the worst; I opened the door and stepped inside.  
"Hello, I'm assuming your Vislor Turlough? Pleasure" said the bastard, holding out his hand, he was standing in the centre of the room, wearing a beige suit and trousers, with a cricket jumper… and…. Celery? His blonde hair nearly reached his eyes, it looked so silky and soft, I just wanted to - what the hell! What am I thinking?!  
"Yes I am, and you are?" I asked him. I couldn't be bothered to be polite, I hated the sight of him.  
"I am the Doctor." Git answered cheerfully.  
"Doctor who?" I asked.  
"Just the Doctor!" he said with a happy grin. He was mad, or on a high, Could be either really.  
I answered warily "Right, well. I assume you know why I invited you here?"  
"Oh yes! Something about me stealing your business and customers with my produce? Am I correct?" the awareness in his eyes was a little unsettling, it seemed that he could see every detail around him, everyone's emotions and thoughts. I was becoming fairly unnerved.  
"Yes, precisely, you are taking most of my customers because your pot is so cheap and accessible, simply because you are inexperienced at this, people are taking advantage of you" I wasn't really sure if they were, I just wanted him to become unsure and easier to manipulate, If I could manipulate him that is. "But, I may have a solution for you, if you become part of my, incredibly successful, discreet and well protected business. You will be safe and paid well." Haha! I've got him now!  
"No thank you, I prefer being a lone free ranger if you get my gist, I was never one for organisations to be honest Turlough." How dare he! How dare he refuse me! And call me anything other than sir! The pompous bastard, who does he think he is?! I glared at him, this glare has had men cowering in fear before, begging to be forgiven! Yet the Doctor just looked at me with polite interest. I love him so much… wait what? I hate him so much, yeah that's what I meant! The blonde sauntered up next to me and said,  
"Maybe we could work out an agreement?" he was so close I could smell the absurd chunk of celery on his lapel.  
"Oh really? What do you suggest smartarse?" did I mention I really don't like him? He stepped even closer to me, I could feel his breath on my neck, was it getting hot in here? He murmured in my ear softly  
"How about we forget all this happened, I go one way you go the other? I could just go to a different country and start up there, that way you'll still have all your local customers and your business back, how about that?" from the moment I could smell the celery I didn't have a single coherent thought, I could only nod vaguely and say "ok".  
"Good, well! I'll be off! Good to talk to you, good luck with your business!" moment vanished and he was gone. I was still a little dizzy from what happened though, what was it about him that got me like this? I couldn't be gay, could I? No, there were so many young good looking guards everywhere and I have never looked at them twice! Gah! The Doctor got me so confused! And now the git's gone… git.

Wow, that was weird to write! I just had an urge to write this, completely random and I'm not sure it even makes sense! Anyway! Please review this random one-shot! Or I might send Turlough's assassins after you!


End file.
